I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
