My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
