he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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