I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
