Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
