I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
