if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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