this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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