Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
