I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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