All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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