I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
