just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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