Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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