we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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