Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
