Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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