Pappa wants mamma naked
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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