do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
