My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
