Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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