he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
