she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
