Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
