I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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