Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
