i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
