Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
