the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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