allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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