Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
