TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
