I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Sorry about my life...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
