He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
