the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
