Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.

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  (516): Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city. http://tfl.nu/k96c
  Replies (14) Good night (1413) Bad night (727)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.

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  (717): Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall. http://tfl.nu/weml
  Replies (24) Good night (6065) Bad night (710)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.

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  (405): i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me. http://tfl.nu/gnbi
  Replies (55) Good night (6227) Bad night (795)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle

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  (416): that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle http://tfl.nu/ax2q
  Replies (11) Good night (1489) Bad night (4939)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.

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  (339): He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning. http://tfl.nu/40hx
  Replies (10) Good night (2405) Bad night (5655)
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  (518): View more from New York

  you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved

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  (518): you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved http://tfl.nu/hfsv
  Replies (15) Good night (4213) Bad night (937)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?

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  (802): Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok? http://tfl.nu/nera
  Replies (19) Good night (4608) Bad night (1025)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.

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  (602): She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal. http://tfl.nu/6tzy
  Replies (2) Good night (1264) Bad night (911)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face

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  (907): On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face http://tfl.nu/k6gh
  Replies (3) Good night (1566) Bad night (882)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.

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  (484): He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER. http://tfl.nu/q9ww
  Replies (12) Good night (1553) Bad night (680)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  like...quickly.

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  (814): Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision? (814): like...quickly. http://tfl.nu/6pc5
  Replies (3) Good night (849) Bad night (452)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??

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  (319): Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE?? http://tfl.nu/27co
  Replies (4) Good night (721) Bad night (580)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?

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  (734): Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join? http://tfl.nu/rgcj
  Replies (6) Good night (883) Bad night (385)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.

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  (843): But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public. (1-843): My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly. http://tfl.nu/3lc6
  Replies (2) Good night (855) Bad night (356)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding

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  (603): Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding http://tfl.nu/gbas
  Replies (1) Good night (148) Bad night (406)

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