I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
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I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me