I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities