Texts From Last Night

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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...

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  (856): in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee... http://tfl.nu/v0er
  Replies (63) Good night (5626) Bad night (665)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.

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  (847): I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night. http://tfl.nu/upkg
  Replies (25) Good night (10604) Bad night (1240)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex

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  (717): He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex http://tfl.nu/v3ok
  Replies (25) Good night (6052) Bad night (1954)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.

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  (601): Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate. http://tfl.nu/i871
  Replies (10) Good night (1214) Bad night (2874)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.

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  (206): No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding. http://tfl.nu/7yg0
  Replies (14) Good night (3609) Bad night (1328)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.

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  (949): Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later. http://tfl.nu/ckzf
  Replies (10) Good night (2495) Bad night (963)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”

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  (413): afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.” http://tfl.nu/qxku
  Replies (9) Good night (1241) Bad night (1587)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.

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  (409): I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look. http://tfl.nu/inz2
  Replies (4) Good night (619) Bad night (1357)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers

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  (573): So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40 (417): I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers http://tfl.nu/ngz4
  Replies (5) Good night (1746) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.

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  (215): Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro. http://tfl.nu/nta7
  Replies (11) Good night (1959) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.

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  (215): I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear. http://tfl.nu/e69q
  Replies (2) Good night (828) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.

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  (773): who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this. http://tfl.nu/j8g2
  Replies (1) Good night (599) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon

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  (860): I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon http://tfl.nu/xq47
  Replies (3) Good night (363) Bad night (763)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring

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  (610): I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring http://tfl.nu/xbtn
  Replies (0) Good night (532) Bad night (756)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.

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  (512): I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours. http://tfl.nu/ugp6
  Replies (1) Good night (529) Bad night (267)

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