At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?