Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
