they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
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I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
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He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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