This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
