We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
