He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
