I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
