He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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