Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Text me some of your sweat
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
