'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
