I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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