The maid of honor just puked.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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