After last night, I could never be a politician.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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