I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
