I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
