Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
