My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
