As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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