I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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