i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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