1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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