How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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