I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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