Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
