If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
