i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Randomize
