sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
