I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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