Just fell off a train. Bad.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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