Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think your dad took our porno
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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